*/
Good schools try to foster lasting relationships with parents, working in partnership with them. So how can you develop the best relationship with your head? A former head teacher provides the lowdown
Some heads stand at the school gates at the start and end of every school day, but the purpose is most likely to greet and wave off students, rather than inviting parents to reel off every niggle they have about their little cherubs’ educational journey. That said, these heads will probably welcome light chit-chat from parents and many will use it as a good opportunity to get to know mums, dads and carers a bit better. Use this time constructively.
The best modern heads will make their email address available, but only use it if absolutely necessary – that is, to arrange a meeting to discuss issues around academic progress or a specific incident. For everything else – explanations for little Jonny’s continuing late homework, a request for leave of absence for that Disney holiday in April etc – approach the school admin team or an individual teacher or head of department.
Ideally, ask for your request to be acknowledged within a set period – say, two days. If nothing has appeared in your inbox by then, or your head’s secretary has not rung to fix a time, then resend your email.
Acknowledge that heads are busy. For example, preface your request with phrases such as ‘I am sorry to bother you,’ and then state briefly why you wish to meet. Finish by detailing three possible times – it shows you don’t expect them to drop everything, just because you happen to have a free half hour slot this Wednesday afternoon. Never begin with a ‘Hi’ or a Christian name and try to end with ‘Best wishes’, ‘Kind regards’ etc. Heads are traditionally sticklers for manners.
Whatever the provocation and however much frustration you feel, keep your emotions in check. Do not take notes or wave your email around. Just remember your key points and what you want to gain from them. Conversely, do expect your head to write things down. See this as a compliment for it will show you’re being taken seriously. End by thanking your head for spending so much time with you. The more you are liked, the calmer you remain and the more likely you are to end satisfied.
If you have a query about the rate of your child’s progress, then a quick fix will not be possible. A word between your head and your child’s teacher will be, so aim for that.
"At heads’ conferences, much of the chatter revolves around the latest parental showdowns. These can be sparked by anything, but old favourites include a son or daughter being put too low in the batting order or being deprived of a major part in the school play."
Also remember that any head worthy of your investment will not change school policy as a result of one meeting. But you can establish your points so that in time things can be realigned and, for example, timings of parents’ meetings or the criteria by which prizes are won at Speech Day can be better communicated.
At heads’ conferences, much of the chatter revolves around the latest parental showdowns. These can be sparked by anything, but old favourites include a son or daughter being put too low in the batting order or being deprived of a major part in the school play. Faced with these setbacks, parents can become savage. Remember that we all think our children are special – but no child is so special that the school should revolve around them.
‘I’m not a pushy parent’ is something we hear a lot. If you say this, then you are, for as every head knows, this claim is always followed by the dread word ‘but’. ‘Lots of parents feel the same way’ is another one. This will also be untrue. Some might nod in sympathy as you complain to them over your cappuccinos, but this attempt to bully your head will not work.
‘I’m devastated’ is often said too. No you are not. You have not suffered a sudden death. Your house has not been destroyed by a hurricane. You are disappointed. ‘I’m a very successful businessman’ is an irrelevance, yet said far too often, particularly in independent schools. You don’t run a school. So don’t be superior.
Few heads are ever told they are doing well and it can be quite an isolated, lonely job. What’s worse is that heads are brought up to believe that parents are the enemy – that all they do is whine. So treating your head as a friend will go a long way. Tell your head that s/he is looking well, especially towards the end of term when the reverse will be true. Compliment your head on the success of a recent event. That said, don’t always focus on the school. Select another topic from weekends, sport or holidays. This will act as a soother and clearly define you as being a class apart from the playground quibblers.
Guy Canning
The Good Schools Guide’s candid and unbiased reviews of state and independent schools have helped generations of parents find the very best education for their children. GSG writers visit schools and scrutinise every aspect of school life, from academic results to extracurricular provision to pastoral care. The Good Schools Guide also offers a consultancy service with expertise in UK and overseas school search, scholarships and bursaries and SEND. www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk
© iStock/artisteer
Some heads stand at the school gates at the start and end of every school day, but the purpose is most likely to greet and wave off students, rather than inviting parents to reel off every niggle they have about their little cherubs’ educational journey. That said, these heads will probably welcome light chit-chat from parents and many will use it as a good opportunity to get to know mums, dads and carers a bit better. Use this time constructively.
The best modern heads will make their email address available, but only use it if absolutely necessary – that is, to arrange a meeting to discuss issues around academic progress or a specific incident. For everything else – explanations for little Jonny’s continuing late homework, a request for leave of absence for that Disney holiday in April etc – approach the school admin team or an individual teacher or head of department.
Ideally, ask for your request to be acknowledged within a set period – say, two days. If nothing has appeared in your inbox by then, or your head’s secretary has not rung to fix a time, then resend your email.
Acknowledge that heads are busy. For example, preface your request with phrases such as ‘I am sorry to bother you,’ and then state briefly why you wish to meet. Finish by detailing three possible times – it shows you don’t expect them to drop everything, just because you happen to have a free half hour slot this Wednesday afternoon. Never begin with a ‘Hi’ or a Christian name and try to end with ‘Best wishes’, ‘Kind regards’ etc. Heads are traditionally sticklers for manners.
Whatever the provocation and however much frustration you feel, keep your emotions in check. Do not take notes or wave your email around. Just remember your key points and what you want to gain from them. Conversely, do expect your head to write things down. See this as a compliment for it will show you’re being taken seriously. End by thanking your head for spending so much time with you. The more you are liked, the calmer you remain and the more likely you are to end satisfied.
If you have a query about the rate of your child’s progress, then a quick fix will not be possible. A word between your head and your child’s teacher will be, so aim for that.
"At heads’ conferences, much of the chatter revolves around the latest parental showdowns. These can be sparked by anything, but old favourites include a son or daughter being put too low in the batting order or being deprived of a major part in the school play."
Also remember that any head worthy of your investment will not change school policy as a result of one meeting. But you can establish your points so that in time things can be realigned and, for example, timings of parents’ meetings or the criteria by which prizes are won at Speech Day can be better communicated.
At heads’ conferences, much of the chatter revolves around the latest parental showdowns. These can be sparked by anything, but old favourites include a son or daughter being put too low in the batting order or being deprived of a major part in the school play. Faced with these setbacks, parents can become savage. Remember that we all think our children are special – but no child is so special that the school should revolve around them.
‘I’m not a pushy parent’ is something we hear a lot. If you say this, then you are, for as every head knows, this claim is always followed by the dread word ‘but’. ‘Lots of parents feel the same way’ is another one. This will also be untrue. Some might nod in sympathy as you complain to them over your cappuccinos, but this attempt to bully your head will not work.
‘I’m devastated’ is often said too. No you are not. You have not suffered a sudden death. Your house has not been destroyed by a hurricane. You are disappointed. ‘I’m a very successful businessman’ is an irrelevance, yet said far too often, particularly in independent schools. You don’t run a school. So don’t be superior.
Few heads are ever told they are doing well and it can be quite an isolated, lonely job. What’s worse is that heads are brought up to believe that parents are the enemy – that all they do is whine. So treating your head as a friend will go a long way. Tell your head that s/he is looking well, especially towards the end of term when the reverse will be true. Compliment your head on the success of a recent event. That said, don’t always focus on the school. Select another topic from weekends, sport or holidays. This will act as a soother and clearly define you as being a class apart from the playground quibblers.
Guy Canning
The Good Schools Guide’s candid and unbiased reviews of state and independent schools have helped generations of parents find the very best education for their children. GSG writers visit schools and scrutinise every aspect of school life, from academic results to extracurricular provision to pastoral care. The Good Schools Guide also offers a consultancy service with expertise in UK and overseas school search, scholarships and bursaries and SEND. www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk
© iStock/artisteer
On both fronts – representing the Bar’s interests and protecting the rule of law
Ashley Hodgkinson looks at drug testing methods and some of the most common ways people try to cheat a drug test
Clerksroom Chambers has recruited Matthew Wildish from 3 Paper Buildings (3PB) to a newly created position of Director of Clerking. Matthew joined the team at Clerksroom on 1 June
... have you seen through yours? asks Julian Morgan
Opportunity for female sopranos/contraltos in secondary education, or who have recently finished secondary education but have not yet begun tertiary education. Eligibility includes children of members of the Bar
Fear of the collection and test process is a common factor among clients, especially among vulnerable adults in complex family law cases. Cansford Laboratories shares some tips to help the testing process run as smoothly as possible
Clerksroom Chambers has recruited Matthew Wildish from 3 Paper Buildings (3PB) to a newly created position of Director of Clerking. Matthew joined the team at Clerksroom on 1 June
In this tale of hope, success really has been the best revenge! A difficult journey teaches Rehana Azib QC invaluable lessons along the way
This article is not designed to offend the Judiciary but the quiet word has only taken us so far it is time concerns were recorded formally, says the first set to introduce an external bullying policy By Eleanor Laws QC, Oliver Mosley and Kyan Pucks
The Chief Inspector of the CPS knows first-hand the difficulties prosecutors face but is no pushover. He talks to Anthony Inglese CB about Operation Soteria, putting victims and cooperation at the heart of criminal justice reform, and his unique and life-changing career prosecuting the crime of all crimes, genocide
Having represented many Davids against many Goliaths over a 30+year career at the publicly funded Bar, renowned silk Professor Leslie Thomas QC critically assesses what the Human Rights Act currently under challenge has done for coronial law and equality of arms