William Byfield's Secret E-Diary
Secret E-Diary - December 2013
<p><em><strong>Dreams of an international legal career are shattered</strong> </em> </p>
<p>November 5, 2013: “Treason doth never prosper. What’s the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it ‘treason’” – Sir John Harrington </p>
<p>The lingering taste of delicious fresh pasta, seasoned with freshly cracked black pepper, fresh herbs, garlic and a sprinkling of Parmesan cheese, eaten to the accompaniment of a mandolin played by a one-legged Roman beggar, is receding apace. Rome. What a few days that was. After sobering up Paddy Corkhill sufficiently to travel by air, we arrived in the Eternal City and, following a shower, were motored to a delightful restaurant where three men were waiting for us. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - November 2013
<p><em><strong>After life on the circuit and (not far) beyond, la dolce vita beckons</strong> </em> </p>
<p><strong><em>October 11, 2013: “All things atrocious and shameless flock from all parts to Rome” – Tacitus </em></strong> </p>
<p>A London criminal barrister’s life has a pattern: a case at Snaresbrook, a plea at Inner London, a trek out to Harrow, something juicy at the Bailey, the joys of Woolwich. True, some buildings look increasingly ropey, the facilities in the Bar Mess diminish on an almost hourly basis, the coffee comes in larger cups at higher prices; but our interest does not come from these sybaritic niceties as much as the infinite variety of people that we meet. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - October 2013
<p><em><strong>New Year in the Autumn, and the law of unintended consequences</strong> </em> </p>
<p><strong><em>September 15, 2013: “To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart.” – Daniel Patrick Moynihan </em></strong> </p>
<p>Some begin their new year in the Autumn; others start on January 1 and a third class commence on April 6. I am not here referring to the Chinese New Year, the Julian Calendar or the religious obsession with new moons, but the Professional New Year, followed by the universities, schools, and others, including the legal profession; the Traditional New Year celebrated with increasingly extravagant displays to warm the hearts of every rolling news channel, somewhat eclipsing those Scottish performances which were viewed by the rest of us with incomprehension and dismay in the sixties and seventies; and the Financial New Year celebrated by the Treasury, HMRC and accountants. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - September 2013
<p><em><strong>We live in a world of the personality cult where urban rats being represented by thugs will rarely win the day.</strong> </em> </p>
<p><strong><em>August 12, 2013: “It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you place the blame.” Oscar Wilde </em></strong> </p>
<p>We are now on a charming Scandinavian cruise. Idyllic, and yet…There is something about a barrister’s life that makes holidays more stressful than work. My own theory is that it is adrenalin withdrawal: so many hormone surges occur during trials. Holidays, on the other hand, are contrast-free and can become just a tiny bit boring. Nevertheless, I was plain exhausted after the trial of Jason Grimble, who, together with Moses Lane, allegedly murdered Claude Allerick, sometime one of Her Majesty’s less popular circuit judges and former member of Gutteridge Chambers. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - August 2013
<p><strong>Allergic reactions to press releases from the Ministry of Justice </strong> </p>
<p><em>July 12, 2013: “Life could be horrible in the wrong trouser of time.” Terry Pratchett </em> </p>
<p>Barristers possess certain genetic self-protection, such as the ability to limit outbursts of terror, anger and panic to brief moments. The usual triggers for these uncontrollable emotions are entry into the Royal Courts of Justice (terror), a visit to the clerks’ room (anger) and listening to a client’s explanation of his defence (panic). The attacks are generally best alleviated by going into court and doing something, or going into El Vino’s and drinking something. Additional triggers, often evoking a combination of all three states at once, include communications from HMRC, the Bar Standards Board or the Bank. Drink is the preferred soporific in these cases. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - July 2013
<p><strong>A minute’s silence for the passing of the legal aid sytem</strong> </p>
<p><em>June 10, 2013: “Nothing’s sacred to those devils.” Batman (Adam West) </em><br /><br />Short of bumping into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on the way to the Bailey, things could not feel more eschatological. Arriving, I spotted what looked like a huge number of nicotine-addicted barristers congregating on the pavement outside the entrance. Hetty Briar-Pitt, my junior, barred my entry and forced me, like a shy horse, into their ranks. It dawned on me then that this was, in fact, a minute’s silence for the passing of the legal aid system. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - June 2013
<p>Sadness that the dumbing down of the office of Lord Chancellor has inevitably led to a lack of protection for an independent legal profession </p>
<p><em>May 6, 2013: “I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.” William F. Buckley, Jr. </em> </p>
<p>When I was a sixth-former, I decided to try for Oxford. In those days, there was an Entrance Examination. My Headmaster suggested I practise the General Paper. The first question was “Might you as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb?” Entirely missing the point, I wrote what I thought to be a humorous piece about the virtues of capital punishment. It was returned sporting a “Delta” and the comment: “You’re in the Sixth Form now. Grow Up.” </p>
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Secret E-Diary - May 2013
<p><strong>Prospective jury members had better make their excuses good if they want to wriggle out of performing their time-honoured duty</strong> </p>
<p><em>April 8, 2013: Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him – Henry Louis Mencken </em> </p>
<p>Last week, the jury was selected in the sensational trial of Jason Grimble and Moses Lane for the alleged murder of the disliked Claude Allerick, formerly one of Her Majesty’s (Circuit) Judges and sometime member of Gutteridge Chambers. A last-minute reprieve had come when our previously assigned judge finally read at night in bed one page too many of the voluminous Criminal Procedure Rules and slipped a disc. Fate then gave us the lovely Jonathan Hay to try our case and the deceptively relaxed George White QC, of Treasury Counsel, to prosecute us. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - April 2013
<p><strong>A change in trial judge and an uncomfortable truth</strong> </p>
<p><em>March 7, 2013: “To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” - Albert Camus </em> </p>
<p>This last month may have had its meteorological ups and downs, but I have a scent of Spring. This may have had something to do with recent events in the trial of Jason Grimble and Moses Lane, who are alleged to have murdered Claude Allerick, formerly one of Her Majesty’s Circuit Judges and sometime member of Gutteridge Chambers. </p>
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Secret E-Diary - March 2013
<p><strong>A much anticipated day in court ends before it even gets started</strong> </p>
<p><em>February 8 2013: “‘Twas a rough night!” - Macbeth </em> </p>
<p>It always is a rough night prior to the first day of an important case, particularly when it is a Sunday. There is all that coffee the night before, as you take a last (or sometimes first) serious look at the papers, together with cheese snacks and all available distractions competing to draw one’s eye from the dire events of the morrow. </p>
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