William Byfield's Secret E-Diary

After life on the circuit and (not far) beyond, la dolce vita beckons

October 11, 2013: “All things atrocious and shameless flock from all parts to Rome” – Tacitus

A London criminal barrister’s life has a pattern: a case at Snaresbrook, a plea at Inner London, a trek out to Harrow, something juicy at the Bailey, the joys of Woolwich. True, some buildings look increasingly ropey, the facilities in the Bar Mess diminish on an almost hourly basis, the coffee comes in larger cups at higher prices; but our interest does not come from these sybaritic niceties as much as the infinite variety of people that we meet.

We live in a world of the personality cult where urban rats being represented by thugs will rarely win the day.

August 12, 2013: “It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you place the blame.” Oscar Wilde

We are now on a charming Scandinavian cruise. Idyllic, and yet…There is something about a barrister’s life that makes holidays more stressful than work. My own theory is that it is adrenalin withdrawal: so many hormone surges occur during trials. Holidays, on the other hand, are contrast-free and can become just a tiny bit boring. Nevertheless, I was plain exhausted after the trial of Jason Grimble, who, together with Moses Lane, allegedly murdered Claude Allerick, sometime one of Her Majesty’s less popular circuit judges and former member of Gutteridge Chambers.

A minute’s silence for the passing of the legal aid sytem

June 10, 2013: “Nothing’s sacred to those devils.” Batman (Adam West)

Short of bumping into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on the way to the Bailey, things could not feel more eschatological. Arriving, I spotted what looked like a huge number of nicotine-addicted barristers congregating on the pavement outside the entrance. Hetty Briar-Pitt, my junior, barred my entry and forced me, like a shy horse, into their ranks. It dawned on me then that this was, in fact, a minute’s silence for the passing of the legal aid system.

Prospective jury members had better make their excuses good if they want to wriggle out of performing their time-honoured duty

April 8, 2013: Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him – Henry Louis Mencken

Last week, the jury was selected in the sensational trial of Jason Grimble and Moses Lane for the alleged murder of the disliked Claude Allerick, formerly one of Her Majesty’s (Circuit) Judges and sometime member of Gutteridge Chambers. A last-minute reprieve had come when our previously assigned judge finally read at night in bed one page too many of the voluminous Criminal Procedure Rules and slipped a disc. Fate then gave us the lovely Jonathan Hay to try our case and the deceptively relaxed George White QC, of Treasury Counsel, to prosecute us.

A much anticipated day in court ends before it even gets started

February 8 2013: “‘Twas a rough night!” - Macbeth

It always is a rough night prior to the first day of an important case, particularly when it is a Sunday. There is all that coffee the night before, as you take a last (or sometimes first) serious look at the papers, together with cheese snacks and all available distractions competing to draw one’s eye from the dire events of the morrow.