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LawCare’s Andy Darnton and Sarah Fitsell advise how to support friends and colleagues who may be struggling with loss and Anon (Barrister) shares their ‘seven things learnt’ while navigating grief at the Bar
The festive period is a hectic time of year for many of us. It is a period of both joy and stress as we juggle commitments such as finishing up work, preparing for family visits or making it to the nativity play on time. But the holiday season can also be a particularly challenging time for those struggling with feelings of grief and loss. During the festivities, and beyond, it’s important to take some time to consider how your peers and colleagues are coping.
At LawCare we have a free and confidential support service where legal professionals can get in touch (by phone, email or online chat) and talk to someone who understands life in the law. We hear about a wide range of issues, both professional and personal, and there’s never a need to feel your problem is too trivial for you to get in touch.
Many people think bereavement only happens when someone very close to you dies – perhaps an elderly parent, partner, sibling or friend. In this situation, your organisation is likely to know about it and support is usually offered in the immediate aftermath.
Yet feelings of grief and loss can also arise when someone who is not particularly close to us dies. This could be a work colleague or client, opposing counsel or an old teacher. There are no rules about how people should feel when someone they know dies. It can be a huge shock and trigger memories of past trauma or bereavements. This can be harder to spot in the workplace, as people might assume they have no right to grieve someone they weren’t particularly close to and mask the true impact it is having on them.
We often associate bereavement with death, but feelings of grief and loss can affect us at other times. Where a parent has been diagnosed with a terminal or life-threatening illness, it is not uncommon to experience “pre-grief” and is particularly prevalent when a parent has dementia. This anticipatory mourning can occur over many years, with the additional stress of caring responsibilities often exacerbating the feeling. We also hear from people who grieve the loss of their career, or their physical health, even of a particular life that might have been.
Couples and individuals who have had a miscarriage may also experience intense grief, yet many people don’t understand the associated sorrow and may not consider this to be ‘valid’ bereavement. Men, especially, can find sharing the loss they are feeling after a partner has had a miscarriage very challenging in a work environment and managers should create an environment where everyone feels comfortable talking about it.
The loss of a pet can have just as profound an effect as the loss of any family member and can cause people to experience particular guilt if they were forced to have the animal put down. It’s important to show empathy towards colleagues and acknowledge their loss.
Whatever the source of grief, there will always be anniversaries and other occasions, like Christmas, which can evoke memories and feelings. It can be upsetting when loved ones are no longer part of family celebrations, and deaths that occurred many years in the past may feel raw and painful again.
From the death of a beloved pet to loss of a partner, LawCare has heard from many legal professionals about the impact grief has on their lives. Everyone’s experience of grief and loss is personal to them, but there are some common themes:
Here are some ways you can support colleagues and peers who may be struggling with loss during the holiday season:
In some cases, grief can be overwhelming, and individuals may benefit from talking to someone. This could be through counselling or therapy, or simply by calling LawCare or Cruse.
For further resources, please see ‘Dealing with bereavement’ on wellbeingatthebar.org.uk
The Samaritans can be reached on tel: 116 123 or email: jo@samaritans.org
International helplines can be found at befrienders.org
The festive period is a hectic time of year for many of us. It is a period of both joy and stress as we juggle commitments such as finishing up work, preparing for family visits or making it to the nativity play on time. But the holiday season can also be a particularly challenging time for those struggling with feelings of grief and loss. During the festivities, and beyond, it’s important to take some time to consider how your peers and colleagues are coping.
At LawCare we have a free and confidential support service where legal professionals can get in touch (by phone, email or online chat) and talk to someone who understands life in the law. We hear about a wide range of issues, both professional and personal, and there’s never a need to feel your problem is too trivial for you to get in touch.
Many people think bereavement only happens when someone very close to you dies – perhaps an elderly parent, partner, sibling or friend. In this situation, your organisation is likely to know about it and support is usually offered in the immediate aftermath.
Yet feelings of grief and loss can also arise when someone who is not particularly close to us dies. This could be a work colleague or client, opposing counsel or an old teacher. There are no rules about how people should feel when someone they know dies. It can be a huge shock and trigger memories of past trauma or bereavements. This can be harder to spot in the workplace, as people might assume they have no right to grieve someone they weren’t particularly close to and mask the true impact it is having on them.
We often associate bereavement with death, but feelings of grief and loss can affect us at other times. Where a parent has been diagnosed with a terminal or life-threatening illness, it is not uncommon to experience “pre-grief” and is particularly prevalent when a parent has dementia. This anticipatory mourning can occur over many years, with the additional stress of caring responsibilities often exacerbating the feeling. We also hear from people who grieve the loss of their career, or their physical health, even of a particular life that might have been.
Couples and individuals who have had a miscarriage may also experience intense grief, yet many people don’t understand the associated sorrow and may not consider this to be ‘valid’ bereavement. Men, especially, can find sharing the loss they are feeling after a partner has had a miscarriage very challenging in a work environment and managers should create an environment where everyone feels comfortable talking about it.
The loss of a pet can have just as profound an effect as the loss of any family member and can cause people to experience particular guilt if they were forced to have the animal put down. It’s important to show empathy towards colleagues and acknowledge their loss.
Whatever the source of grief, there will always be anniversaries and other occasions, like Christmas, which can evoke memories and feelings. It can be upsetting when loved ones are no longer part of family celebrations, and deaths that occurred many years in the past may feel raw and painful again.
From the death of a beloved pet to loss of a partner, LawCare has heard from many legal professionals about the impact grief has on their lives. Everyone’s experience of grief and loss is personal to them, but there are some common themes:
Here are some ways you can support colleagues and peers who may be struggling with loss during the holiday season:
In some cases, grief can be overwhelming, and individuals may benefit from talking to someone. This could be through counselling or therapy, or simply by calling LawCare or Cruse.
For further resources, please see ‘Dealing with bereavement’ on wellbeingatthebar.org.uk
The Samaritans can be reached on tel: 116 123 or email: jo@samaritans.org
International helplines can be found at befrienders.org
LawCare’s Andy Darnton and Sarah Fitsell advise how to support friends and colleagues who may be struggling with loss and Anon (Barrister) shares their ‘seven things learnt’ while navigating grief at the Bar
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